The Devil's Doorknob BBS Capture (1996-2003)/devilsdoorknobbbscapture1996-2003.iso/mytelix.zip/Old Files I/TELIX/OLDTEL.ZIP/PAW.UP

Text File | 1993-06-02 | 3KB | 40 lines

     I recieved a piece of mail from Dave asking if I really said, that I
wanted to legitimately have intimate relations with him. He stated that he
heard something to this effect and he sent me mail to make sure that I
was just joking around. Talk about making someone feel uncomfortable, I
didn't think there was any doubt from anyone that I was joking, I am always
joking when it comes to speaking about things of that nature. Even if I
wanted to have sex with him, it would still mean nothing, because I would
never do it. I would have like to have had sex with Kaz, but I didn't, and
I wouldn't have, because I promised myself that I wouldn't unless I was
living with or married to that person first. The time that Kaz said 'I love
you' I didn't say it back for the very same reason. Seeing as how I was able
to control myself with Kaz, I never thought there would be any doubt in
anyone that even if I found someone attractive I wouldn't actively seek to
have relations with that person. Sometimes I like to joke about things like
that with people, and I think that if they joke back then they don't think
that I am ugly or anything like, just kind of one of my obssesive-compulsive
self-confidence boosters. As for Dave asking me about this, the only person
that I really joked like that in front of was you. I know that you talk to
his wife fairly often, and from what I can deduce is that you relayed our,
what I thought was a personal joke, conversation to her. How could you take
what I said so seriously like that? Those types of things that I say or think
come from my little world of fantasy in my head. Maybe you don't know this,
but things that I say and think are completely different from the things I
do. Now I am admitting stuff that I think is silly or weird, but I have my
own little fantasy world in my mind that has no bearing on reality or what I
do. Sometimes I say the things that are in my mind, so it doesn't have to
stay closed up in there, or I say it for shock or humour value. If I said "I
am going to go have sex with whomever in an hour",even if I said it totally
seriously, you could bet your life that I was not going to have sex. Although
I may say lots of stuff about Dave, nonthing would ever happen. Even if his
wife died, left, whatever, and the next day me and him were in a hotel room
together, nothing would happen...just like when I ask Ethan if he wants to
have sex, neither one of us have any intention of having sex. I have learned
my lesson from past relationships, I won't have sex unless I really really
know it is a serious lasting relationship. Now my conservative, realistic
side is out into the open, I was just having a little joking fun and now I am
a little depressed and uncomfortable, and Dave got in trouble with his wife,
and all over something that was never going to happen.